Tour Snippts

So my very good friend Nnamdi called  last week to probably inform me that finally he will be coming to London from Scotland.  In fact i have totally forgotten about his intending visit to because he has been saying this for three months and finally he made up his mind to come over.  So after our conversation that faithful day, i totally forgot or let me say it escaped my mind cha cha. He got into London on sunday called me to probably inform me and we planned to meet up in central London, walk around, bond together because it has been like two years since we both last saw and at least have some beer in a nice pub around the central area.  The next day as early as 10 am in the morning while still on my precious bed fighting weather to stand up or not,  my phone rang and behold it was my friend Nnamdi telling me that he was already on his way to central London since we both decided to meet up around that time... The next thing that came out from my mouth was "chineke mu oooo" because i was still lazying in the bed and sincerely speaking no strength was left in me again thanks to diamond that decided to call me on Skype during the night and we both gisted till midnight (well our gist na story for another day loll).

I sincerely managed to drag no let me say jump out of my bed rushed into the shower brushed and in the process of having my bath, the worst now happened....  president Obama started calling me for a very urgent meeting (Laugh my ass out). I saw myself rushing out from the bath tub and ran running into the toilet to finally answer him. Abeg abeg no form ajebo here it practically happens to everybody (Lolll). That one took extra thirty minutes or there about and then i ran back to the bathroom to continue my precious bath another wahala now happened..... The hot water refused to come out. Choi i ran CRAZY. Now because of how cold the weather is presently the hot water easily gets cold in the morning unlike during the summer period. This time around again i jumped out from the bath tub rushed and switched on the "Hot Water" pump, now this takes another fifteen to twenty minutes. I tried forming  James Bond by wanting to manage the cold water to bath like that  since i was already late ( Oh boy nobe person tell me say make i jejely respect my old age). Finally the hot water was ready and by then i have already gotten like ten missed calls from my friend ( I tire for the whole thing myself to begin explain give am wetin happen). Rushed out from the bathroom and threw in a shirt, jeans,  shoe  and jacket (for the cold) into my body. Funny enough  i even ended up forgetting to have my precious breakfast which i promised myself not to miss that day because i have missed it for four days straight. Rushed out from my house straight to the train station, as i was approaching the station, i heard the sound of the train that just arrived leaving choi because this means that i have to wait for another fifteen or twenty minutes before another train comes.  Now my friend Nnamdi was from his end bombading me with calls that i almost ran mad. well i had to pick the call and before he could utter a word i finished him with plenty curse. The boy self even tire for me.

Finally the next train  arrived and i was on my way to the Charing cross train station. Now when i finally saw him it was already almost one in the afternoon.  Well everybody is used to it, it is called African Time ( abeg no crucify me nobe my fault). Immediately i came out from the train station and saw my paddy, i began to explain to him what really happened and why i was late then for a minute i paused and asked myself why i dey even tell explain to am like say e be one babe wey i dey come meet or take out for a date (Lolll). We both laughed about everything and our main journey started for the day.  We first started by walking inside the London Gallery which was opposite right opposite the train station.  I am a lover of arts especially nice paintings and one thing i have always wished i had was the ability to make meaning out from  a collection of nice paintings when ever i see one inside a museum or gallery. Before we entered inside my eyes immediately took notice of these funny creatures in my friends voice just in front of the gallery.

  However, the funniest thing that happened was that, through out  our walk inside the gallery,  i totally forgot to take pictures of the paintings insde (Weird init? ) but instead i took a picture of the building after we came out.

                                                             National Gallery

                                          From left my friend Nnamdi and my humble self

Bloke_ Diaries II

“M seeing someone now but can’t seem to get over you, if you get serious with me, would leave him… Or u mind an open relationship?”

“Ronke, are you f*cking kidding me?” That was the nicest thing I could think to say. My anger was I had come all the way to hear the rubbish she just said, she could have saved me the stress and time wasted by telling me over the phone or bbm.

*sigh*

I had the urge to leave immediately, but her pleas sorta calmed me.

She had few errands to run and so we drove around town a while, after which we went to her house. The look I got when I walked in almost had me turning around and bidding goodbye.What had she told them about me? Abi shit dey my body ni?

Anyways, I put up that killer smile, said “hello” to everyone and sat. Drinks and a meal were served but I only took the drink cos it was still sealed, make I no go chop food laced with “luff portion” begin scream Ronke name for night, Biko kwa!!!

After about an hour it was time to leave and Ronke offered to drop me off. The ride home was quiet, I tried to make conversation but she didn’t bulge. Did I mention she had asked for sex again on our way to her’s? Of cos she did!!! Since I don’t appreciate beating about the bush, NO! was the answer she got.Na so she keep face like say trailer jam am! Who cares? Na force to enter Jerusalem?

Just when I thought I had gotten rid of her for good, baby girl offered to take me to the airport the following day cos I had to be outta town; and behold she turned up with her “Boyfriend”, who turned out to be a long lost paddy of mine. *wicked smile* Glory!!! Fred was excited to see me and as though he had been waiting to talk to someone, he spilled on his “relationship” with Ronke, how much of a bug and nympho she was, a total PEST! Those were his exact words, “poor boy”!

Well he finally said what I had waited to hear, it was all about her bank account for him, EPIC!!! Sorry Ronke and of cos Fred,,,, that’s all I had in my head through out the flight, two confused humans!

Ronke and I are’nt friends anymore, not on speaking terms either. Why? She clearly doesn’t know what she wants and keeps changing men like she does her sanitary pads, sad eh? “M not about friends who”lld add no value, rich or not! No scratch that, there's MONEY!!! Well good riddance to rotten rubbish.

*Deuces*

Instagram: @irealitodo 

O.R.R (Old, Rich and Ready)

While at the gym during  one faithful Tuesday evening trying to get in shape for the ladies (loll for my mind). I saw a missed call from  my good friend Tonia, after carrying some arm curl weight; I decided to ring her back. Now Tonia is one of my close female friends that can talk for Africa on the phone (Thanks to Lyca to Lyca free call). The funniest thing is that sometimes I try to rush her and give her some little lie just to end some conversation whenever I notice it is about entering something else. Tonia this time around called me to complain about her on and off boyfriend who according to her have decided not to grow up at his age (Nna on several occasion I don ask this babe make she explain what she meant by growing up but still up to now no sensible reason). Tonia and her boyfriend Chike met last two months and within that period I can remember vividly well how she will call me in the middle of the night (Skype join and Face time) smiling how she don meet the perfect boyfriend. Nwa guy got pissed off one night and told her not to bother me with all her love story since she decided to spoil the sweet smooth runs that was about to evolve between me and her flat mate shade (I almost smacked her head for wetin she do). Well two weeks after meeting Chike this babe moved into the boy’s flat, turned into his full time wife ooo to the extent of cooking various type of food for the Chike boy. In fact one Saturday evening this babe sent me a picture of a well-prepared Jellof rice and assorted meat she prepared for the boy. As I see the pic, I vex sharply, unto say since I sabi this babe she never prepare this kind food for me to chaw (Loll).

Two months after moving into chike’s flat, the nwa boy started acting strange to the extent that both of them started having some little quarrel here and there.  To my surprise this babe that was always talking sweet things about her Chike, in her sentence: “Nothing can come between me and my Chike” suddenly started talking bad about the Chike guy so tey me come confuse sef each time I ask her and ask her after “her Chike”.  Few weeks after there one very big cat and dog fight the babe made me to understand that the reason for the sudden HATE on the dude is because the guy at his age does not behave maturely, does not know his right from his left and still a small boy (This chike guy na twenty eight years old guy o). Because Tonia had so much expectation from the guy at least since to her he is already in the age bracket of thinking about how to plan his life but the Chike guy does not want to marry or even settle down in three years coming. But she no won even understand say the guy no even get work yet (I no just understand babes of nowadays sha like tonia).

At this moment Tonia and I have being on the phone for close to one hour  and nwa guy trying to tell the babe say make she give me space do wetin I come do na, before I could say JACK ROBINSON she brings in the story about a friend of her’s who I also know called Olivia. In her voice: Olivia is engaged ooo and from my end I could feel the excitement. When I asked how she knew, she responded that the babe just posted the pictures of the proposal and ring with so so carat of diamond ring on her IG page (There is God ooo sha). At this moment my attention was drawn to an advert showing in the television inside the gym and the next thing I heard from tonia is  “you can go to her Instagram page and check”. With vex say she don keep out from the arm curl wey I dey do pull for gym, I come ask her abeg wetin concern me and Olivia with her engagement story na because the last time I checked there was no sacrament bonding me and this babe that will make me go to her Instagram page to check for picture like say I no get work to do.  However, what dragged my ear and attention was when tonia mentioned that the guy that proposed to her is forty years of old and the babe is twenty five years but that the man hold plenty money. The next thing tonia responded was that this kind of love is called O.R. R (Old Rich and Ready). But the last time I checked the Olivia babe family hold pepper (Money), so why go for an O.R.R then. To her it is better to be with an O.R. R than be with the like of Chike, who at his age does not really know his left from his right yet (Nna mehn this guy don suffer sha) and moreover the dude is matured not a kid.   

After our conversation I started asking myself how many babes presently prefer them O.R.R according to tonia instead of the normal norm of building a home as a young married during the days of our parents. Even though I put up a positive thought that not all girls will be like Olivia, if so why are the always young couples getting married and being featured on bellanaija.com (unless say those dudes be forty years old dudes).

Bloke_Diaries

        

Ronke came into my life like some huge joke, and I never quite took her serious for a long time afterwards. Yes she was nice in more ways than one, atleast that’s what I thought initially.

About two years ago, someone sent me a request on blackberry messenger and I accepted, I always give  strangers a fair chance at expressing themselves. She had gotten my pin from a friend she wouldn’t mention, and since I was overly busy that saturday morning, I never cared to push it- maybe I should have.

Anyways, we gradually got acquainted and I accepted to meet with her after much persuation; my shakara is much like that, I know. She was good looking in a geeky way, had cash (no be say I broke o) and spoke well. The latter is one major quality I always look out for in anyone I come across.

“I’lld rather we stick to being friends”, Ronke had asked me out 24hours after we officially met, Yes she did and not like I was any surprised than the day I discovered my “underarms” were getting grassy. I don’t mean to blow my trumpet, but “m good looking, enough to knock “honeyzzz” off their feet…Ronke was sure disappointed at the reply she got but she tagged along and we got comfortable with each other. We stayed that way for a long time but I could sense she wasn’t content with just friendship, she yearned for more and out of pity I was gonna indulge but…

To Be Contd.

instagram: @irealitodo 

Marriage and the barrier of age difference

Please before you begin to attack me, I am no marriage expert. I am just giving my own perspective on this issue but if you think you are an expert in this area please do not hesitate to leave your opinion in the comment box biko.  

As a guy I always have this opinion that marriage is between two lovebirds and that a guy is supposed to be at least older than his other half.  Please don’t call me a bush boy or unexposed because I still stick to my African root and knowledge of what marriage is all about. Well for this aspect sha and only  for it alone. I have been having this conversation and debate with my sweet Auntie Uju about marriage and how I would have loved to marry my best friend Jessica but the problem is that she is four years older than me. I went ahead telling her of how Jessica and I have been together since our 200 level days in the university, graduated, served in different parts of the country for the compulsory National Youth Service Corps and also now came for our masters together in the United Kingdom. And  above all this the relationship is still waxing stronger and stronger as the day goes by. The funniest thing was that all through our university days we never knew our age difference not until one faithful day during our final year clearance, all of a sudden the age question came up and I found out she is older than me with four years. That moment the pause and look on our faces got us thinking and asking ourselves some funny questions most especially marriage although whenever someone asks Jessica if she can marry Emmanuel, the next thing you will hear from her is a deep down NO but inside her she really wishes it could be possible. Anyway all through this years we have had our different relationships, shared some funny stories about whom we are dating and yabbed our various girlfriends and boyfriends whenever we both have our long conversation on the phone which later translated to Skye and Face time as the year went further. The thing that got me laughing is that she keeps making this statement of “why are we not of the same age or at least me using one year to senior her so that we could just marry”. In between all this conversation Auntie Uju paused and made one comment about love and marriage not necessarily being about age. I asked her what she meant by that she further explained that if truly we both love ourselves deep down all these years that age necessarily in this modern day age is not a barrier. Now the Igbo man in me paused and looked at her for a long time and did not know when I responded back to her saying “Aunty you dey yan like this because say you don stay long for obodo oyibo and now your ideology towards the normal Nigerian norm of marriages is different”. We kept arguing and talking about this issue and then the next statement she said actually made  be pause “ You are too young to understand all about marriage but when that time comes you will surely understand that age is really not a problem so far as you both love each other and there is understanding”, now this statement alone got me really worried because even after given her my thousand reasons why I think it is not possible she still was not convinced. 

For me I have never dated a girl that I am older than rather the girls I have dated are always one year  older than me or I am older than  them with just a year. Which makes me pause sometimes and ask myself if really I will marry a girl that am older than when it comes finally comes for settling down. I have also had experience of a close family friend Mr Fabian that got married to a lady four years older than him and their marriage just lasted for five years and presently they are divorced. Mr. Fabian (A tall man, with plenty muscle and too much gra gra ) and his wife Nneka were so much in love during their days of boyfriend and girlfriend, dated for one year and boom we heard he had proposed to her. But one thing I noticed in their marriage after two years was that the woman now turned to always wanting to be the BOSS of the house. Personally I was not surprised when I finally heard that their marriage has crashed because I saw it coming. Now coming down to myself that is not what I want to see myself going through later in life. I always tell people that in marriage that thing called LOVE has an expiry date. Well I have gotten a lot of bashing for saying this especially from my older female friends but at the same time I stand by it. Similarly, to me marrying an older lady with four years age difference is way too much jare.  Now take for example, women nowadays tend to look wey older than there age not to even talk about when the drop three or four children. Not to even talk about marrying a woman who likes to act like she is the BOSS in the house, na so so shout and quarrel una go dey do for house like my family friend Mr. Fabian. Also, the story will be the other way round when we both finally get old with white hairs. Like instead of taking care of me (the husband), it will now be me doing the job (well this part was one of the funny things that came up in my mind while having a sober thinking on marrying my beloved Jessica).  In addition, the aspect of RESPECT when it comes to marriage is also seen as very crucial here. Every man especially we African men have this thing of EGO in us and please don’t give me that look of that was in the past. No matter how exposed, over educated and enlightened a man is that thing EGO still comes in.  

But don’t get me all wrong in this, I also have the ideology that people differ and vice verse but we are talking about the reality and me talking from what I personally have seen with my eyes. Forget about all these westernisation when it comes to some things abeg omo boy will do what is right biko ……… but also something got me thinking one day that what if my best friend Jessica is my missing rib and that we meant to be with each other. Since we have both had previous relationships and still end up coming back to each other as single people with no love life. I have heard plenty girls saying over there dead body will the marry there any guy that the are older than, a guy that is a year older than them (well most of them) and the recent one that got me really thing was from a friend Tosin who once said that the older the are the more attractive to her. That she likes no in fact LOVES her guy twelve years older than her. Her reason was that the men of nowadays are still not 100percent husband material (that day I laugh so hard for Swahili language). But this got me thinking if it is possible for the women folks why is it different for we guys (maybe I go ask my grand-mother wey dey village for her  own opinion lollll).