Please
before you begin to attack me, I am no marriage expert. I am just
giving my own perspective on this issue but if you think you are an expert in this
area please do not hesitate to leave your opinion in the comment box biko.
As a guy I always have this opinion that marriage is between two lovebirds and that a guy is supposed to be at least older than his other half. Please don’t call me a bush boy or unexposed because I still stick to my African root and knowledge of what marriage is all about. Well for this aspect sha and only for it alone. I have been having this conversation and debate with my sweet Auntie Uju about marriage and how I would have loved to marry my best friend Jessica but the problem is that she is four years older than me. I went ahead telling her of how Jessica and I have been together since our 200 level days in the university, graduated, served in different parts of the country for the compulsory National Youth Service Corps and also now came for our masters together in the United Kingdom. And above all this the relationship is still waxing stronger and stronger as the day goes by. The funniest thing was that all through our university days we never knew our age difference not until one faithful day during our final year clearance, all of a sudden the age question came up and I found out she is older than me with four years. That moment the pause and look on our faces got us thinking and asking ourselves some funny questions most especially marriage although whenever someone asks Jessica if she can marry Emmanuel, the next thing you will hear from her is a deep down NO but inside her she really wishes it could be possible. Anyway all through this years we have had our different relationships, shared some funny stories about whom we are dating and yabbed our various girlfriends and boyfriends whenever we both have our long conversation on the phone which later translated to Skye and Face time as the year went further. The thing that got me laughing is that she keeps making this statement of “why are we not of the same age or at least me using one year to senior her so that we could just marry”. In between all this conversation Auntie Uju paused and made one comment about love and marriage not necessarily being about age. I asked her what she meant by that she further explained that if truly we both love ourselves deep down all these years that age necessarily in this modern day age is not a barrier. Now the Igbo man in me paused and looked at her for a long time and did not know when I responded back to her saying “Aunty you dey yan like this because say you don stay long for obodo oyibo and now your ideology towards the normal Nigerian norm of marriages is different”. We kept arguing and talking about this issue and then the next statement she said actually made be pause “ You are too young to understand all about marriage but when that time comes you will surely understand that age is really not a problem so far as you both love each other and there is understanding”, now this statement alone got me really worried because even after given her my thousand reasons why I think it is not possible she still was not convinced.
As a guy I always have this opinion that marriage is between two lovebirds and that a guy is supposed to be at least older than his other half. Please don’t call me a bush boy or unexposed because I still stick to my African root and knowledge of what marriage is all about. Well for this aspect sha and only for it alone. I have been having this conversation and debate with my sweet Auntie Uju about marriage and how I would have loved to marry my best friend Jessica but the problem is that she is four years older than me. I went ahead telling her of how Jessica and I have been together since our 200 level days in the university, graduated, served in different parts of the country for the compulsory National Youth Service Corps and also now came for our masters together in the United Kingdom. And above all this the relationship is still waxing stronger and stronger as the day goes by. The funniest thing was that all through our university days we never knew our age difference not until one faithful day during our final year clearance, all of a sudden the age question came up and I found out she is older than me with four years. That moment the pause and look on our faces got us thinking and asking ourselves some funny questions most especially marriage although whenever someone asks Jessica if she can marry Emmanuel, the next thing you will hear from her is a deep down NO but inside her she really wishes it could be possible. Anyway all through this years we have had our different relationships, shared some funny stories about whom we are dating and yabbed our various girlfriends and boyfriends whenever we both have our long conversation on the phone which later translated to Skye and Face time as the year went further. The thing that got me laughing is that she keeps making this statement of “why are we not of the same age or at least me using one year to senior her so that we could just marry”. In between all this conversation Auntie Uju paused and made one comment about love and marriage not necessarily being about age. I asked her what she meant by that she further explained that if truly we both love ourselves deep down all these years that age necessarily in this modern day age is not a barrier. Now the Igbo man in me paused and looked at her for a long time and did not know when I responded back to her saying “Aunty you dey yan like this because say you don stay long for obodo oyibo and now your ideology towards the normal Nigerian norm of marriages is different”. We kept arguing and talking about this issue and then the next statement she said actually made be pause “ You are too young to understand all about marriage but when that time comes you will surely understand that age is really not a problem so far as you both love each other and there is understanding”, now this statement alone got me really worried because even after given her my thousand reasons why I think it is not possible she still was not convinced.
For me I have never dated a girl that I am older than rather the girls I have dated are always one year older than me or I am older than them with just a year. Which makes me pause sometimes and ask myself if really I will marry a girl that am older than when it comes finally comes for settling down. I have also had experience of a close family friend Mr Fabian that got married to a lady four years older than him and their marriage just lasted for five years and presently they are divorced. Mr. Fabian (A tall man, with plenty muscle and too much gra gra ) and his wife Nneka were so much in love during their days of boyfriend and girlfriend, dated for one year and boom we heard he had proposed to her. But one thing I noticed in their marriage after two years was that the woman now turned to always wanting to be the BOSS of the house. Personally I was not surprised when I finally heard that their marriage has crashed because I saw it coming. Now coming down to myself that is not what I want to see myself going through later in life. I always tell people that in marriage that thing called LOVE has an expiry date. Well I have gotten a lot of bashing for saying this especially from my older female friends but at the same time I stand by it. Similarly, to me marrying an older lady with four years age difference is way too much jare. Now take for example, women nowadays tend to look wey older than there age not to even talk about when the drop three or four children. Not to even talk about marrying a woman who likes to act like she is the BOSS in the house, na so so shout and quarrel una go dey do for house like my family friend Mr. Fabian. Also, the story will be the other way round when we both finally get old with white hairs. Like instead of taking care of me (the husband), it will now be me doing the job (well this part was one of the funny things that came up in my mind while having a sober thinking on marrying my beloved Jessica). In addition, the aspect of RESPECT when it comes to marriage is also seen as very crucial here. Every man especially we African men have this thing of EGO in us and please don’t give me that look of that was in the past. No matter how exposed, over educated and enlightened a man is that thing EGO still comes in.
But don’t get me all wrong in this, I also have the ideology that people differ and vice verse but we are talking about the reality and me talking from what I personally have seen with my eyes. Forget about all these westernisation when it comes to some things abeg omo boy will do what is right biko ……… but also something got me thinking one day that what if my best friend Jessica is my missing rib and that we meant to be with each other. Since we have both had previous relationships and still end up coming back to each other as single people with no love life. I have heard plenty girls saying over there dead body will the marry there any guy that the are older than, a guy that is a year older than them (well most of them) and the recent one that got me really thing was from a friend Tosin who once said that the older the are the more attractive to her. That she likes no in fact LOVES her guy twelve years older than her. Her reason was that the men of nowadays are still not 100percent husband material (that day I laugh so hard for Swahili language). But this got me thinking if it is possible for the women folks why is it different for we guys (maybe I go ask my grand-mother wey dey village for her own opinion lollll).
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